Average No More

Life changing events are not always large. They can be small, seemingly insignificant things that would have no effect on others. They can be something another would forget within the hour. 

In High School I found out that my GPA was in the middle of my class. I don't mean approximately. 

Smack dab in the middle

As in I was the average student. With an odd number of students in my class I could not even cry that it was the other middle who was actually the average one. Add to that blow hearing that the guidance counselors had used my standardized test (was it the Idaho or Iowa back then?) to show all the guidance counselors how to interpret the data. 

The shame. 

I had always been a kid who followed the beat of my own heart. I wasn't following a drummer, after all. A dear friend at the time sighed when she heard this factoid of information. She intimated that my life would be plagued by the need to prove myself NOT AVERAGE. At the time I didn't necessarily agree with her assertion, but reflection does indicate that she was prophetic. 

Haunted by the fear of being average, I have challenged myself, pushed through and done things that looking back, I can't believe were possible for me. Still, the fear remained, always taunting me with the fact that accolades have not been forthcoming and comparing myself to my contemporaries. What in the world do I have to show for myself?

Yesterday in a flash of inspiration I found my answer. I have to change my thinking. No longer will I repeat those words in my head 

"You are average." 

From Yesterday those words have been replace by something so much better. 

"You are archetypal."

"You are the prototype."

"You are universal consciousness."

My daughter's kind voice added:

"You are a classic."

I am not average. Those who know me best would tend to agree, I think. I am wonderfully unique. The word that has plagued me all these years has lost its power. I am archetypal. I will have the last word. 

Art on the Run

On the run. 

All the time. 

Art comes along for the ride now. 

Little books made in coffee shops, 

in the car and 

waiting for something I had to wait for. 

No longer remembered, but taking time.

Bits ready for paint, or glue or stamping

can go with me 

and turn this waiting

into playing. 

The coffee shop was crowded

full of people talking

of themselves and their special knowledge. 

Snippets heard and pondered

like the information about how to outrun an alligator, 

fell upon my ears, 

though I bade them not to come. 

The world of ATCs was fresh

an unknown form

lots of fun to try. 

Discovered I like it.

ATCs, little books, envelopes

small treasures of uncertain worth

easy to carry, compact and succinct. 

Color, color, shapes and color

layers, patterns, expected and unexpected

More to come.

Travel bag of paints, pencils, and ephemera

Now my best friend. 

Cherry Blossoms - Self Care Saturday

The world seemed to blossom this week. Everywhere the flowers seem to pop up out of nowhere. Today I am giving myself the gift of taking the time to see them. Actually see them. So often in springtime I'm noticing them with half my attention (if that) as I drive by. This is a busy season for school employees. It's easy to get caught up and neglect to really enjoy the loveliness around. 

Today, camera in hand, I will stop and be mindful of the beauty in front of me. I will soak it up. 

This will not be the only extravagance of the day, but it will certainly be a part of it. 

Things don't last forever. I will enjoy them today. 

Ephemeral. Beautiful. Enjoy now. 

What things do you wish you spent more time appreciating? Enjoying? Savoring? 
Are your favorite flowers long flowering or do they have a short run? Are there seasonal foods that you try to enjoy during their season? Here we are having asparagus season. 

Many delights to you today. 

The Gift of Laughter and Books - Self Care Saturday

Laughter is one of the most powerful self care strategies I can think of. Others might prefer face masks or manicures. A good ole belly laugh that makes me snort and pound on the table while tears stream down my face…now that's the kind of self care I love best. It is extra good if I'm with a good friend. 

So today I indulged. I could tell you about the lovely lunch with my family at a nice restaurant. I could tell you about stopping for the first ice cream of the season from the local cone maker. The best part of the day, however, was the company and the sense of humor and the uncontrollable laughter. 

Ok, so books were a plus. I'm a librarian. 

Almost forgot to mention one of the things that led to hilarity were the Mother's Day socks I received. One pair looks like library check out cards from years gone by and the other was a pair for banned book week. One of the socks has the titles of commonly banned books. The other has words crossed out…censored right off the sock. Perfect gift. 

What makes you laugh? What is your favorite kind of laugh? Who can you feel comfortable to laugh messy with? 

Resting - Self Care Saturday

Today I allowed myself to sleep late, laze about and recharge. Lately I've been driving so much the car feels like an extension of my body. Last Saturday I vowed I would not get in my car and I did not. What a great feeling that was! This week I decided that I would do that again. 

So this Self Care Saturday is all about not pushing, not forcing, not allowing the voices of doubt tell me that I should be doing something when I knew full well that I needed to rest. 

Tomorrow I will drive. I will push. I will rise to the occasion. Today…today is for me. 

Yes or No - Your Choice - Self Care Saturday

Sometimes I say "Yes…" when I want to say "NO!" I'm guessing I'm not alone in this. Today my self care included saying no to the alarm, yes to my pillows, no to moving fast and yes to taking things at my own pace. I said no to the car. Yes to the kitchen. Generally I did what felt right. I cleaned because I wanted more order rather than cleaning up because it is messy. 

Attitude is a game changer. 

So I choose to pay more attention to what I really want to say and practice saying it. Kindly. Creatively.  

I also plan to practice being more creative with the way I respond. Friday I told a friend that yes, I had time for lunch if it could be half an hour later. Today I tried something similar. The results so far have been really positive. 

As this art journal page evolved I noticed little buds emerging from the background. They reminded me so much of Tokyo in June. The big patches reminded me of the Ajisai (Hydrangea) that blooms so gorgeously in the rainy season. There was a stretch on the Inokashira line where the sides of the train tracks were bursting with the flowers - blue, purple, pink and white. I used to ride back and forth just to see them. Around the same time the azaleas come forth with such loveliness it takes away your breath. I saw both of these flowers in my background. 

Do you struggle with saying what is in your heart? Do you wish you could say no? Are you true to yourself? How do you balance the greater good with your own good? 

I'd love to hear from you. 

Books, Books, Books - Self Care Saturday

Self Care Saturday is here and I don't have a page spread done to share. 

But hey, Self Care Saturday is about self care and I decided that pushing myself this late in the day to create a spread was going to end in a sad looking spread. 

So what do librarians do for fun? 

Here is a video for National Library Month that sums up why I love my job:

If this doesn't make you smile, I don't know what will.

Would it surprise you that today's self care included going to someone else's library, finding books to read over the vacation and then hitting up a Barnes and Noble? 

(I also slept in, had a great meal and took a nap!)

Time to phone a friend - Self Care Saturday

I jumped the gun on Self Care Saturday this week and scheduled a call on Friday with dear friend and fiber artist, Cindi Huss. So when I sat down with my journal to do this week's page, I was amazed to see two faces and two phones staring out of the paper at me. The pages were prepped last week as excess paint from other projects and some torn gelli prints. The prep was done before the phone call. Yet there were those two faces. Neither is in a style I would usually create, but they demanded to be set free and so they were.

Cindi and I have been friends for many years. She is one of those rare people with whom I can be my whole wacky, outrageous self. I don't have to limit my love of language (other people do not delight in my favorite words - rancorous, recalcitrant, obstreperous….), I don't have to be serious. I don't have to reign in my dreaming. Our emails and phone calls of late tend toward planning an artist retreat for the two of us. This dreaming and scheming is filling my soul. 

Hope your Self Care Saturday filled you up. 

You can see some of Cindi's work at her blog Dancing Threads.

Hydrate & Moisturize - Self Care Saturday

On the second Self Care Saturday moisture was on the agenda! Winter really dried me out. Spring is a great time to rejuvenate and we are finally enjoying Springlike weather! 

So priorities today -- plenty of fluids and moisturize.

Care to join me? What did you do to pamper yourself today?