Average No More

Life changing events are not always large. They can be small, seemingly insignificant things that would have no effect on others. They can be something another would forget within the hour. 

In High School I found out that my GPA was in the middle of my class. I don't mean approximately. 

Smack dab in the middle

As in I was the average student. With an odd number of students in my class I could not even cry that it was the other middle who was actually the average one. Add to that blow hearing that the guidance counselors had used my standardized test (was it the Idaho or Iowa back then?) to show all the guidance counselors how to interpret the data. 

The shame. 

I had always been a kid who followed the beat of my own heart. I wasn't following a drummer, after all. A dear friend at the time sighed when she heard this factoid of information. She intimated that my life would be plagued by the need to prove myself NOT AVERAGE. At the time I didn't necessarily agree with her assertion, but reflection does indicate that she was prophetic. 

Haunted by the fear of being average, I have challenged myself, pushed through and done things that looking back, I can't believe were possible for me. Still, the fear remained, always taunting me with the fact that accolades have not been forthcoming and comparing myself to my contemporaries. What in the world do I have to show for myself?

Yesterday in a flash of inspiration I found my answer. I have to change my thinking. No longer will I repeat those words in my head 

"You are average." 

From Yesterday those words have been replace by something so much better. 

"You are archetypal."

"You are the prototype."

"You are universal consciousness."

My daughter's kind voice added:

"You are a classic."

I am not average. Those who know me best would tend to agree, I think. I am wonderfully unique. The word that has plagued me all these years has lost its power. I am archetypal. I will have the last word. 

Art on the Run

On the run. 

All the time. 

Art comes along for the ride now. 

Little books made in coffee shops, 

in the car and 

waiting for something I had to wait for. 

No longer remembered, but taking time.

Bits ready for paint, or glue or stamping

can go with me 

and turn this waiting

into playing. 

The coffee shop was crowded

full of people talking

of themselves and their special knowledge. 

Snippets heard and pondered

like the information about how to outrun an alligator, 

fell upon my ears, 

though I bade them not to come. 

The world of ATCs was fresh

an unknown form

lots of fun to try. 

Discovered I like it.

ATCs, little books, envelopes

small treasures of uncertain worth

easy to carry, compact and succinct. 

Color, color, shapes and color

layers, patterns, expected and unexpected

More to come.

Travel bag of paints, pencils, and ephemera

Now my best friend. 

Remembering June

Remembering June and planning for this year's Roses. 

I left my play journal out on the desk. There were many chores waiting me, but I stole some time for me. There is nothing that centers me like putting color on a page. Tonight it was prismacolor markers that did the trick. The feeling of the marker making contact with the paper - this makes me grounded. 

I had prepared this page over a month ago. Big red circles and then petals from a silk flower gessoed down to the page. The rest was added tonight. Once again....it looks completely different than when I started.

There are chores to do and I'm running behind in my art courses. But I'm adding color to my life and moving forward. 

Busy Time Play

It's been hard to fit in time to paint lately. Too many things to start a new year. I am signed up for two classes and had hoped to make progress in each of them this weekend, but alas, it was not to be.

Still I just had to listen to that voice that begs for expression. Some time ago I decided that I needed to create a forum for just such times. Using a thin journal I splashed paint on the pages, added ink and started adding extra paint/ink/stmaps from other projects. The concept of this book is that it would be easy enough to pull out and do 10 minutes of playing. Some of the pages have ended up favorites.

Too bad it lay forgotten - until tonight. I pulled it out and added color with abandon. It now looks nothing like the page it began as. Transformations are fun. The page wasn't the only thing energized. I was too.

Note to self: This should be a core activity and done so regularly that it is not forgotten in overwhelming times.

Hope you will make a play journal too. 

Optimist or Idiot?

I've neglected my blog, I know, but I am glad to be back at my computer and posting. Frankly, I can't really manage a post on my phone or iPad. Photos get posted to Instagram and then I move on to the next project. So my strategy going forward to is prioritize getting to my desk. 

The struggle to find time for it all is real and yet I remain confident that connection is worth the effort. Prioritizing projects, deciding which things to participate in and which to pass on is hard. After months of thinking about it I finally decided to commit to doing Life Book 2016. The desire to take part is a given, but time...there is always time. I have yet to start my December painting for the Spirit Wings Angel Painting class. There are three more to come. So starting a yearlong project, am I an optimist or an idiot? Can I keep up? The months to come will tell the truth, but I am glad I choose to say "Yes" to this thing I want to do. I'm doing it for me. 

I am a caregiver. I think of the needs of others in so many of my roles. If you are reading this you probably do too, It has been a long time since I started putting the needs of others first. That's ok as long as I put my needs somewhere in the calendar. I'm learning this and it is a struggle. So I am glad I joined this groups as well as the others I enjoy. Life Book 2016, Spirit Wings Angel Painting, CarveDecember, Art Journal Every Day, Mad Tea Party - all these events and the people who host them have made my life more exciting. Thank you all. 

So I may be an idiot, but I hope I will be a happy one following dreams that bring joy and holding the things I cherish dear. If that makes me an idiot, I embrace it. 

Transformation

Transformation - it's everywhere. 

Especially in this season. 

I attended a art journaling hangout on Google with Amy Maricle a few months ago. She has some really helpful things on her website, so make sure you go and check it out. 

Today looking through a spread I did during that time I decided to take my pens out and start the transformation process. 

Here's the page I decided to transform. 

First I switched directions and turned the journal on it's side. The circles definitely looked like roses to me, so roses they became. I added tendrils and leaves. 

After a few layers I added some words.

Viola! It is transformed. 

The really nifty thing about it is this: 

I am transformed as well. 

Artist's Retreat - July 2015

First meal of Artist's Retreat - on the shore at Plymouth, Massachusetts. Photograph altered with Brushstroke app. 

Artist’s Retreat. Doesn’t that sound romantic? Maybe expensive? Certainly illusive.

Well, at least that’s how I felt about it. Every year I’d talk to Cindi Huss, a dear friend who has moved far enough away that we don't see each other often. We’d say how we should run away for a weekend sometime and leave all our responsibilities behind us. Well, this year I called her up and said “Let’s have an artist’s retreat!” She was enthusiastic and so we started planning. Last week was the fruit of all those conversations.

Revel in these paint colors!

We had three full days together. Cindi had seen my art journaling work and was game to give it a go. Our plan was to do gelli printing, art journaling and gelli printing on silk scarves. Cindi also brought matching white moleskins in which we would record our retreat. I found some necklace findings which allow for a picture to be inserted. We would also have these as momentos of our time together.  Our other goals included food and laughter.

Gelli Printing

We took turns. Each of us printed a few and then handed the gelli plate to the other. We never washed the plate until we were done. This method allowed us to rif on each other’s work, gave us the challenge of using what was left on the plate to create a new print and resulted in some pretty amazing pulls in which we could see traces of each other in our prints. When finished we laid out Cindi’s prints to photograph them. Then we did the same with mine. It was amazing to see how even though we had the same materials with which to work, we made very different collections of prints. It was also really fun to see Cindi’s touch in the middle of my creations.

Cindi's gelli prints. 

My Prints. Notice how different the color scheme is. 

Art Journaling

Cindi made her journal by taking large paper, applying gesso, ripping it to size and sewing together. We actually applied gesso the first day so that we could use our pages as a place to blot excess paint from brayers, paintbrushes and fingers.

I suggested the added challenge of each of us using a gelli print the other made as the inspiration for the journal page. Even as I suggested it, I quaked in my boots. Cindi took up the challenge and off we sped. We each offered up prints that we could part with which added another level of structure vs. choice. 

(Left) Cindi's print. Red was going to be a challenge for me, but those shapes! Could be leaves. Could be paisley. (Right) My print. She was already seeing things in this print.

Working with these colors was definitely out of my comfort zone. We added background color, stamping, stencils, spray ink, collage and pen. I regret neglecting to introduce Cindi to the joys of bubble wrap printing.

You can see our pages. 

What do you know? I can use red.

The shapes were taken organically from the print. I stared at it until I could see the lines in the print.

The whole page felt organic to me. It didn't take much thinking. 

Working with Cindi was great. The message came easily in her presence. She is such a fountain of joy and compassion. 

Cindi's journal page. It was fun to see her expand her vision as she added layers. 

Gelli Printing on Silk Scarves

We had seen the tutorial on the Gelli Arts blog that shows using the round gelli plates to print of silk scarves. We both reacted very positively to that idea, so we forged ahead. One of Cindi’s many talents includes dyeing fabric. Go to her website or blog to read more about her work. She had some silk scarves and offered to bring them. 

After brushing on the paint I pressed a piece of lace into the paint. Here is the result. 

This piece of lace is brightly colored now from the number of times I used it as a pattern maker. 

Cindi and I took very different approaches to this project. I started out too rigid and lifeless in my thinking. I used the blocks as the rectangles they are, marking them by pressing a piece of lace into them. 

No limitations for Cindi! She did not conform to the shape of the plate. 

Cindi printed with wild abandon. Eventually I loosened up and added the circles – big and little. The circles were made with stamps I had made from styrofoam trays my vegetables came in. Cindi’s scarf was a wild garden full of vibrant flowers and leaves.

Taking the scarves off the freezer paper was awe-inspiring. We gasped when we saw how different the scarf look as it draped around my neck or on the table.

My scarf unveiled.

Cindi wearing the scarf on the way home. 

Cindi's scarf off the freezer paper. 

Moleskine Notebooks

A silly picture we took with the APP Snap Dash. The caption reads "You're a pig being carried to a luau."

We wrote in our notebooks. What we did. How we did things. Things we wanted to remember. Food we ate. Pieces of the work we did. Photographs of us being silly. Working in these books helped us to think about what we had created and to take it to the next level. They are wonderful reminders of these days spent together and of our friendship. I will cherish mine.

Necklaces

The pieces we gave to each other. (Left) from me (Right) from Cindi.

We each chose a gelli print to cut a piece out to put in our necklaces. We each wrote a message to the other on the piece of paper we gave. Then we put them together with a piece of our own and closed the latch. Lovely charms for us to wear and shine.

It was hard to let Cindi go when the time came. Yet instead of that old feeling that things were coming to a close, I had a strange feeling that something was beginning. Guess we’ll just have to do it again. Can’t wait.

Want to see more about Cindi? You can see some of her work at http://www.cindihuss.com or her blog Dancing Threads. 

Class with Kelly Kilmer Part One - Visual Poetry

Recent visitors to RMBM know that I have been enjoying exploring art journaling. Friends have heard ad nauseam about how excited I was to take my first ever class with Kelly Kilmer at Kept Creations in Whitman, Massachusetts. Well, lovelies, I was not disappointed. It was a wonderful day of creating, learning, laughing and stretching my limits. 

The first class was Visual Poetry and boy was it eye opening! Kelly's work is very striking, powerful and empowering. I did not imagine that I would create the pages I did. I love them! Looking at them it is hard to imagine that they were created by me. I tend to sit and giggle when I look at them. It's simply delightful. 

We collaged, painted, ripped our paper into pages, bound them and then started the actual collage and journalling process. Each layer added depth and strength. 

I finished the cover and the second page in. One page needs some finishing touches and the rest….well they are like an empty playground. They are ready for all kinds of things to happen. Open to possibility. They are conduits of bridging the gap between taking the class and regular life. Looking at them inspiration lurks enticing me to explore. Kelly, you are genius!

Taking a class like this, in person, stretches you. Looking at art journaling videos at home I learn so many things. I am grateful to live now, when so much inspiration is easily available. Still, there is nothing like a real time, human based class. One in which our hesitation is noted, our fears are confronted and our tendencies are checked. More than once Kelly challenged me. She challenged us all to reach out of our color comfort zone. 

Guess which colors I gravitate to….did you even have to think about it? 

Kelly challenged me to add a dark color…maybe black. It was surprising and invigorating. I even liked it… a little. The woman who sat next to me, whose name I remember but will not divulge, used black with abandon. Her pages dripped black, oozed black and boy were they powerful. I started wondering if I didn't want to use black too. I settled for adding a bit here and there and remaining true to my current vision. 

There are so many pages to explore new things. To try new layouts, new tools, and new prompts. 

Each will stretch me. 

Each will teach me something new.

Near the end of workshop number one, Kelly casually posed the idea that one way to approach a design is to challenge yourself to use up the color on the pallet. I looked down at the pallet in front of me and saw a lump of untouched red. It was a big lump. At first I said "no way" but later repented and started swinging the red paint around with abandon. 

I found there is more in me than meets the eye. 

The back cover is testament to the fact that pink and red can coexist quite nicely. 

Enough for one post. I will save class two for another post. Thank you, Kelly, for a wonderful class! Kept Creations, you will be seeing me again.